


you're my light in the darkest nights

by mycopingmechanisms



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: (The Crows are in their 7th year), (for harry potter), Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Fluff, Hogwarts Third Year, Mentioned Harry Potter, Mentioned Jordie Rietveld, Patronus Charm (Harry Potter), Winter Break, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mycopingmechanisms/pseuds/mycopingmechanisms
Summary: Professor Lupin decided to keep the class going next semester for the students that were still unable to produce a patronus charm, Kaz being one of them. He left the class as frustrated as ever. Why did he even need a patronus for? The only reason they have dementors around them was because of the stupid Potter boy that might get killed. Once Kaz graduated he wouldn’t see them anymore. He had no plan on getting near Azkaban. If he ever got in then he might as well deserve it for not being smart enough.“Do you want help?”“For what?”“Your patronus. You haven’t been able to produce a spark in class. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”or: Kaz is unable to produce a patronus, and Inej wants to help him.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker & Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	you're my light in the darkest nights

“I'm just saying-” said Matthias. 

“No, no,” interrupted Nina. “We always won against Hufflepuff last year. Right Jes?” 

“I don't know. Should I defend my house and honor it? Or do I want to see Matthias pissed off?” 

Kaz rolled his eyes. He couldn't care less about their Quidditch conversation. He had never gotten the point of it. The few times he had seen a match was because Jesper had forced him to. He hadn’t enjoyed them. 

“Either way,” said Matthias as they entered the Defense against the Dark Arts class, “we are going to destroy you tomorrow.” 

“Heck yeah,” said Jesper, and high-fived Matthias. How they had been sorted into the same house was still a mystery Kaz couldn't solve. 

Inej stood from the table and greeted them. “Over here!” Kaz smiled. He cursed himself before frowning again. 

The five of them sat together. Jesper, Inej and Kaz in one table, Nina and Matthias on the one next to them. The door opened and the sixth years started to walk in. Kaz remembered that today they would study together. He didn't remember why. Wylan walked to them and sat in Nina's and Matthias' table.

“Hello,” said professor Lupin. “Welcome to this extra DADA class I’ve made today. As you may recall, today we’ll be learning how to produce a patronus charm. Who knows what a patronus charm is?” 

Kuwei stood up from a desk nearby to explain it. “A patronus charm is one of the most powerful defensive charms. It is used against dementors-” He went on explaining, but Kaz had stopped listening. At some point he heard Wylan calling him a “show-off”. Kaz suppressed a grin, but Wylan was right. 

“Now everyone,” said professor Lupin once Kuwei had finished. “Stand up.” With a flick of his wand, all the tables were pulled up next to a wall. “This will take a while, so don’t be mad if it doesn’t work on the first class. This period will be used as an exclusive sixth and seventh year Patronus class until the winter break, so take all the time you need. Let’s start with how to aim the wand.”

Only one Hufflepuff student had been able to form a half corporeal patronus by the end of the class. 

Weeks kept passing as people started to perfect their patronuses. Matthias was the first of their group to be able to make one. A gray wolf. “Well done, Mr Helvar,” said professor Lupin. Matthias smiled proudly. 

Soon after, Nina and Inej were able to cast theirs. A Siamese cat and a raven respectively. Jesper would spend most of his time trying to help Wylan rather than working on his own patronus, but the last class before the winter break, both of them had managed it. Wylan’s hummingbird and Jesper’s German Shepherd impressed them both equally. 

Professor Lupin decided to keep the class going next semester for the students that were still unable to produce one, Kaz being one of them. He left the class as frustrated as ever. Why did he even need a patronus for? The only reason they have dementors around them was because of the stupid Potter boy that might get killed (Kaz swore that if he heard any other news about him, he was going to kill Potter himself). The moment Kaz graduates he won’t see dementors anymore. He had no plan on getting near Azkaban. If he ever got in, then he might as well deserve it for not being smart enough. (Unless he was breaking someone out, Kaz considered. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he was caught in that situation). 

“Come on, Kaz! Cheer up,” Jesper said in their lunch break. They never sat with their houses. None of them got the point in it. “You need to smile from time to time!” Kaz forced a clearly fake smile on his face. “7 years in the Slytherin dungeons don’t look well on you.” 

“The Hufflepuffs also have their common room underground, let me remind you.”

“Yes, but at least we have some sunlight, though you do have a view of the lake with the giant squid.”

Kaz thanked Merlin when Nina changed the subject.

“So what are you all doing for Christmas break?”

“The usual,” Jesper answered first. “Spending the whole thing with my dad. Though, Wylan here is joining us this year, so it shouldn’t be so bad.” He rested his head on Wylan’s shoulder and smiled at him. Wylan tried to look annoyed, but he still smiled back. Kaz wanted to puke at the picture. No one would ever hear him admit that he was happy for them. If someone did, he would just say his typical excuse. “I was tired of the two of them talking to me non-stop about each other.” He would always say that. Even if he helped Wylan when he wanted to ask Jesper out. (Kaz was the most useless person in that area, but he tried to help anyways). Maybe a part of him would miss spending the holidays with Wylan, as they used to for the last six years.

“I’m going to my cousins’ house for a family dinner,” said Matthias, continuing the conversation. 

“Hope you don’t get into another fight,” said Nina. 

“Look who’s talking.”

Every year one of them came back with some story about how they almost started hexing their family because someone had used the word “mudblood” or other conservative ideas. It was mainly Matthias who fought with his family. “Purebloods” Nina always said in a snarky voice. But she had her fair share of fights while trying to defend Matthias and Wylan, too. “Helvar, Van Eck, Malfoy, bullshit.” She strongly believed that last names didn’t matter. “They matter if you need to take information out,” was always Kaz’s response. 

“Inej, Kaz, what are you two doing?”

Inej looked at Kaz. “Staying at Hogwarts. That way we don’t cook.” She laughed. Kaz couldn’t help but smile at her laugh. 

“Yeah staying at Hogwarts is the best option.”

He and Inej shared an apartment on the outsides of London ever since they were 15. They moved in together after Kaz found out she was living with her abusive aunt. Inej had never bothered to ask where he got all the money to pay for it, or how he managed to rent an apartment while being underage. Kaz thanked her for it. They only used it in the summer, and they hadn’t talked yet on what would happen after school ended. 

As they walked back from the train station where they said goodbye to their friends, Inej asked Kaz. “Do you want help?”

“For what?”

“Your patronus. You haven’t been able to produce a spark in class. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” He sighted. “Okay then,” she said. “We have the winter break, I’ll help you.”

“I don’t need help.”

“No, you don’t ask for help, that’s different.” She looked at him. “Let me help you.”

He rolled his eyes, but ended up saying, “Fine.”

That night, after everyone had left for the break, Kaz had the dorms all to himself. All slytherins spent the holidays with their families. Kaz never pointed out how most of them would spend their first days back crying. 

After turning off the lights, he went to sleep, enjoying the silence. Which didn’t last. “Kaz.  _ Psst _ ,” he blinked softly. Inej was standing next to him.

He sighted. Somehow Inej had found the password to their common room, again. He was used to it. The first two years he would tell it to her, and she would tell him the Gryffindor password. Later on they both discovered that they knew them before the need to tell them. They made sure to build a reputation that allowed them to walk into other common rooms without the fear of getting snitched on. No one would dare to mess with Kaz’s gang.

“What is it?” 

“Come on. I said I would help you with the patronus thing.”

“Right now?” 

Inej nodded. “I'll be at the lake.” She took off. They shouldn't be used to sneaking in and out of their rooms this way. Not that he complained, school would be a waste of time if they didn't have a little fun. 

He found Inej throwing rocks at the lake. Her red and gold scarf was flowing with the winter breeze. She greeted him cheerfully. “You ready?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nope.”

_ “Aye aye, Captain.” _

“Let’s start with how you hold your wand.” Inej pointed out everything he needed to do. Chills would flow through him every time she would help him have a good stance, but he was sure it was just the cold. Everything in the technique was perfect, yet he still couldn’t manage much. “Focus all your energy on your happiest memory.” 

He tried. He really did. But nothing happy came to his mind. He tried to think of Jordie, but he couldn’t ignore the moment he saw his brother dead after someone had thrown an Avada Kedavra at him. After a few more tries, he gave up and sat down. If it wasn’t for all the experience he had at blocking emotions, he would’ve broken down and cried right there. “This is useless. I don’t even have happy memories.”

Inej frowned. She wasn’t mad at him. Inej knew there would be things in Kaz’s life she would never understand. She just wished- 

She didn’t know what she wished for if she was being honest.

“Okay then,” she sat next to him. “If you don't know what your happiest memory is, then what is your greatest fear?” 

“Huh?”

“We studied boggarts a few years ago. What did yours turn into?” 

He remembered that class. It was horrible. Their professor had made them take individual turns, so that they wouldn't share their fears with the rest. When it was his turn, the boggart first became what he expected. Jordie's body. His breathing started to accelerate. He wanted to end it quickly. “Riddikulus!” It didn't work. He said the words again, but instead of becoming something funny, it turned to someone else's body. Inej's. He was starting to pass out when the professor came and cast the spell himself. 

Inej must've noticed something was wrong. “You don't have to tell me.” She almost put her hand in his, but regretted it and put it on her knee. He let out a breath. “Do you know why that scares you?” 

Of course, he knew. The only good thing in his life was Inej. That's when it hit him. All his good memories, the good ones that weren't ruined, were memories with Inej.  _ She _ was his happiest memory, even if he wouldn't accept the facts. That word. It was what he felt. 

He nodded. 

“Fear and love are not opposite, but complements,” explained Inej. “If you fear the dark, then you probably love light, and you are scared to lose it. Think of it that way.”

Kaz smiled. “I think I can try again.”

Inej smiled. “Okay then.”

Kaz stood up and held his wand. “Expecto Patronum!” He yelled. He thought about Inej's laugh. When they sat together for the first time in the Hogwarts Express. That time they found the Room of Requirement. And every little moment they shared together.

Small sparkles began to shine from his wand. He could see something taking form. The blue shined in Inej's eyes. Finally, a crow began to fly between them. 

“It's beautiful, Kaz.” Inej paused for a second before saying the spell aloud. “Expecto patronum.” 

Her raven flew next to them, meeting Kaz’s crow. They started to fly side by side. Kaz smiled, and just when he was about to frown again, he realized there was no point trying to hide it. 

When the patronuses disappeared into the night, Inej murmured lumos. On one hand she held her wand, the free one brushed Kaz's from time to time. Silently he took hers. She let him hold her. 

Kaz wondered if she knew how much she meant to him. He wondered if he would ever tell her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks  
> TheFriendlyNeighborhoodPancake (iRubyReader) for helping edit the fic!  
> Thanks for reading and happy new year!!! (2020 ends tomorrow wtf, we actually made it so far XD)  
> -MCM :D


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